I’m staying up late again tonight. I have been on a weird sleep/wake schedule for the past week. But since I’m up I wanted to write a little.
This is going to be kind of an ironic blog post because I feel right now like I have nothing to say. Nothing to say except that I cannot wait until Friday. Why Friday? Friday, in fact the first Friday for every month, my church does something called all-night prayer. All night prayer is just that; prayer for hours, cooperate prayer. Cooperate pray was something I never experienced in the sense that the congregation came together, by choice, to fellowship and pray for one another – and it wasn’t even Sunday.
I think that Sunday has become a chore for many people. I too, once felt obligated to attend church. But now, through many trials and errors (on my part, of course) and experiences through which I have grown and [hopefully] matured in my faith, I feel myself falling back to that child-like awe that overtakes the newly redeemed. It is this feeling that I hope that I never lose again and that some day (when I “grow up”), when [or if] I have children of my own, I can teach them to hold on that child-like love and amazement; one needs that in life, I think. For me, at least, it enables me to laugh freely, love purely and live bravely. It also makes me pine for Sunday mornings and first-of-the-month Friday nights.
Continuing last night’s thought…my poor car is really sounding awful. Bible study awaited me tonight but instead I’m at home writing because I really don’t want to drive it like this. We’re calling the mechanic tomorrow.
And now I’m thinking of something else: how far I’ve actually come. I have these feelings some times that I haven’t really changed in the past 5 years. But it’s in moments of trial that I realize that that is not true! Like just a few minutes ago when Tristan and I turned around and came back home because the car sounded so bad…above I was talking about how much I’m looking forawrd to Friday, however when I got back inside just now it occurred to me that I may not be able to make it and I wanted to cry. I really did almost start crying…but then Tristan made me laugh. He’s so good to me like that. Anyway, a thought happened when I almost cried from the thought of not being able to go Friday night. I really have changed. If I hadn’t changed, would I be upset by the option of staying home or partying on a Friday instead of going to church and praying all night?
Which makes be remember this quote.
Change is a beautiful thing :)